What to do if you have a duff note on your Marine Band harmonica

Came across this years ago, and it still makes me laugh. Unfortunately, the original link has disappeared, so I can’t acknowledge it.

It’s a set of instructions about what to do if you accidentally buy an Hohner Marine Band harmonica. Step 5 is a little extreme. But the internet understands irony, right?

“MARINE BAND HARMONICA : The procedure you need to follow in this situation consists of five easy steps:

Step 1. Carefully place the harmonica mouthpiece up on a hard surface that is relatively flat and stable. An anvil will do just fine.

Step 2. Using a 1-pound hammer, bang the mouthpiece as hard as you can. You may need several blows to crush the entire harmonica properly. Be careful to hit it straight on, so that the harmonica does not jump away from the anvil before all work is done. Also take care to hit the flanged parts on both of the sides as well.

Step 3. Wipe the shed with a good broom and throw all the pieces in the waste bin. Be sure to include the box the harmonica came in. If so desired this box can be smashed the same way the harmonica is, although stepping on it with a good shoe usually suffices. 

Step 4. Go to your local music store and kill the manager and the person who sold you this hamonica. If the manager and salesperson are one and the same or either one of them is not present at that moment, kill a random bystander to vent off your frustration. Preferably the same hammer should be used for this. If not available any decent axe can be used, provided it is very blunt. Be sure to set fire to the store prior to leaving.

Step 5. Go to a decent music store and buy yourself a real harmonica, i.e. one that uses innovative techniques that have come available in the 20th century, such as plastic for the comb and stainless steel or chromeplated brass for the covers. The Lee Oskar Major Diatonic or the HeringBlues 2020 meet these criteria.”

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