43-year itch

maxresdefaultI went to bed on Thursday night complacently believing that the British people would have voted decisively to remain in the European Union. In fact, during the day itself, I began to believe that the result wouldn’t even be close. As I read the bedtime YouGov poll, showing Remain on 52%, I even said to myself, it’ll be more like 55-45 in the end, a 10-point margin.

Which is why, on Friday morning, I had the odd experience of literally not believing my eyes when I picked up my phone and viewed the result. It didn’t help that the Guardian had chosen a pale yellow colour for the Remain side, so I couldn’t quite read what was on my screen. But, yes, I actually rubbed my eyes, convinced they were lying to me through the bleary insomniac dawn.

Part of me, not a small part, is enjoying the resulting chaos. I currently owe more on my mortgage than I’ve ever saved in my pension. My take home pay and my pension have been steadily eroded over the past 10 years, and my future prospects were already bleak. So what if the currency crashes, if there’s inflation? I already live beyond my means. A little inflation would help reduce the relative value of my mortgage debt, and if some of the pain of the austerity years could be visited – finally – upon those responsible, I’m up for that.

To see the hated Cameron depart, to see the foaming, flaming Tories tearing each other apart: this is high-quality spectator sport.

I’m not surprised at the outcome. And I’m not surprised at the general fallout. In or out, makes no difference to most people; to those of us living with frozen pay, venal managers, looming threats over job security; or living in the zero hours land of the living dead; who fucking cares, stick it to the man, burn the whole shit house down.

42 years ago, in The Towering Inferno, Steve McQueen is told he’s going to have to go into the building to blow the tanks on the roof to put the fire out. When he realises he stands very little chance of getting out alive, he just says, “Shit,” and goes in.

That’s where a lot of us live. We’ve already, years ago, looked at our future prospects and said, simply, shit. And we carry on.

Because there’s very little chance we’ll come out of this well, is there? You know how I know? Because here, now, is the moment for a strong and principled opposition to step forward and – as a first order of business – bring the government down. Force a general election, pull something out of their asses like Harold Wilson in ’64 and ’74. Kick the Tories while they’re down and keep kicking until they stop twitching. But instead of doing that, they (the Parliamentary Labour Party) saw an opportunity to replace Corbyn. And they’re doing it, not just because they really hate Corbyn, but because they can see a scenario in which he could win a general election and prove them all wrong. And they can’t have that. A Labour victory now would expose them as the morally bankrupt careerists they are. They’d rather keep losing. They have to destroy the village in order to save it. And the most astonishing thing is, it was obviously planned that this would happen now. All the tin soldiers were in place, waiting for the moment.

Like the MI6 and the KGB during the Cold War, there’s a moral equivalency between the Tories and the majority of the PLP. They all voted to cut welfare. They all voted for the Iraq war. They’re all conniving careerist cunts.

Burn the whole shit house down.

Tora Tora Tory

Important scenes in the Planet of the Apes ser...

You’d have to strap me into a chair and force my eyes open with matchsticks to make me watch any of the Tory conference, but I keep up with current affairs, albeit in a much reduced way since my experimental news diet. I also still follow enough people on the Twitter who were watching the Nasties.

One of them tweeted the interesting thought that within a couple of election cycles, the Tory party is “done for”. It’s something I’ve believed for a while. Their ideology (unfortunately swallowed by the so-called Labour party) is discredited after the financial crash, and their increasingly desperate attempts to grind out profits for their corporate backers by privatising everything that hasn’t been privatised already are pissing a lot of people off. As this article in the Graun reveals, the bastards are getting most of their funding from the gamblers and speculators of the City, which is why all of their policies are about making them richer at the expense of everyone else.

(It’s a head-on-the-table moment, a repellent thought that the mind shies away from: that this country and many others were bankrupted by the gamblers and instead of throwing them in jail, “we” [well, not me, but “we”] elected them to power. The ending of The Planet of the Apes has nothing on this.)

Which is not to say that they (the nasties) aren’t doing a lot of damage in the process of being all washed up. My personal somewhat fatalistic attitude is that things are going to have to get a whole lot worse before the thicker members of the English electorate will wake up or die. I think one of the ways things could get worse would be for Scottish independence to gift the Nasties a couple more election victories, because, let’s face it, the Labour party is being propped up by Scottish and Welsh MPs.

But the Tory party is dying, because the old bastards who represent its grassroots and core voters are dying. With them will die any pretence that the Conservative party stands for anything other than rapacious greed at the expense of working people and the planet in general. The thing about the Tory bastards of the past was that at least they were mostly nasty farmers and stupid working class Tories. Toffs and forelock tuggers. But those are the demographic that are dying off. The ones that remain are the neoliberal banking scumbags who have about as much in common with the little old ladies of the local Conservative Association as I do.

Half of those dumbshit  pensioners are voting UKIP now, anyway, because UKIP’s message about hating foreigners, immigrants, and change is more comforting than the “we have to destroy the country in order to save it” message of the modern Tory party. And once the Nasties are done distracting the dumbshits by kicking and blaming the poor, they’ve really got nothing beyond their core belief that greed is good. They just want to have all the money, to the extent that leaving working class people with any wealth at all is like poison in their veins.

Meanwhile, the Labour party is busy destroying its whole point by breaking its trade union links. Combine that funding apocalypse with the voting apocalypse of an independent Scotland*, and the Labour party is done for, too. Miliband’s vaguely socialist witterings are irrelevant while they toe the austerity line and support ridiculous levels of defence spending (Trident). Which leaves the Green party as the only credible political force: which is exactly why they’re mostly ignored in the media: even UKIP and the BNP got more coverage this conference season.

*I don’t blame the Scots. I’d fucking want to leave the UK too. Imagine being free of the Tories, the Royal Family,  and the Church of England with the stroke of a pen on a ballot paper: heaven. Of course, you’d still have to deal with sectarian hatred and the terrible weather, so ho hum. In fact, you know what? That post-apocalyptic vision of a post-human world ruled by apes is starting to look more and more attractive. Let’s just nuke the whole site from orbit.

Excuse me, sir but your middle class sense of entitlement is showing


Class war. As I always say, when they stop waging class war on me, I’ll stop waging it on them. No unilateral disarmament here.

You see them everywhere around here. The Daily Telegraph readers, the Daily Mail readers. Woman behind me at the Tesco checkout the other day. I’m standing there perusing something, waiting behind another person who is just being served, giving them some personal space, as you do. Daily Mail reader shoves herself in between me and what I’m looking at, “Excuse me,” she says, desperate to start putting her stuff on the conveyor, as if that’s going to make a difference.

Where’s the fucking fire?

I’m standing outside Waitrose this morning, about five minutes before it opens. I shop in Waitrose, in the main, because it’s not Tesco, and because they treat their staff well (you can tell, because they’re generally cheerful and polite). And because it’s smaller than Tesco, and I find I spend less on inessential things. Anyway, this Telegraph reader walks up, wearing his weekend clothes. He’s an old boy, retired, but he’s not blind. He sees me standing there, waiting for the shop to open. But the doors are open, because a member of staff is unlocking the trolleys.

The old boy sees me waiting, but just strolls past and into the shop. “Excuse me, sir, but we’re not open yet,” says the woman inside the door, setting out the cut flowers.

Of course, he has to have a debate about it. Wastes a minute of her time, walks out again and walks off, presumably to avoid looking like he’s, you know, queueing.

Because if there’s one thing these Tories hate it’s having to queue, or do anything that normal people do. Hence private health care, which uses the same hospitals and doctors, but allows you to jump the waiting list. Hence the private education system, which allows you to avoid that pesky need to work hard and qualify for something. You just meet a load of other rich people at school and you’re set for life, in your little private club.

But this old boy had no idea of the waves of hate I was sending his way.

Have a nice day.

Privatise this blog, see if I care

Thatch went after the low hanging fruit when she started the government on a privatisation jag in the 80s. Once you get to actual water, the stuff of life, once you get to that, you’re scraping the bottom. Now they’re coming for the schools, and no matter how mad it seems, they think that every school should be a private school.

What I want to know is, if you’re a liberal democrat and you’re helping these bastards cling to power, what are you hoping will happen? Because you’ve already wiped yourselves out. You’ve basically destroyed your party, set them back to, ooh, 1974, when it was just Jeremy Thorpe and his dog. And by aiding the wanton destruction of all our public services, you’re only making things worse for yourselves. And the rest of us. You must understand that if people voted for you, it wasn’t because they wanted a Tory government?

This blind ideology requires a wilful and belligerent ignorance. We already know that the stupid Tory bastards hate the BBC, because they’re too stupid to understand the value it gives the country. There is literally no other reason to want to live here. They’re also too stupid, for the most part, to detect how illiberal the BBC is. The fawning, vomit-inducing coverage of the fucking jubilee is evidence enough for anyone with half a brain.

Tories rely on getting votes from people who are too stupid to understand that they’re Turkeys voting for Christmas. And they’re very confident that the electorate are too stupid to notice the stealthy privatisation of the health service, the education service, the police, and anything else that’s not nailed down.

The Tories have noticed that public sector = a certain amount of predictable security when it comes to income streams, so they want to parcel it out to their friends, so their friends can ride out the vicissitudes of the economy-that-they-don’t-understand. And, hey, if they can take some of the education budget and turn a profit for shareholders, so much the better. If not, they can just appoint an enormous number of managers and pay them whopping huge salaries for making speeches and doing fuck-all other than cutting budgets and making things more shit.

Because they have shit-for-brains, everything else has to be made shit, so it all matches up in their hive mind.

Gordon Brown had stealth taxes. The Tories have stealth privatisation. They call them “free schools”, they call them “academies”, but they’re all just ways of importing layers of managers from the private sector and skimming money to line their pockets. They don’t care about education; what they want to provide is a free babysitting service, so they can make everyone else work longer hours. By secretly privatising schools, they can do away with pesky unions and their pay and conditions agreement. Let’s get some non-qualified “teachers” in to babysit the kids, give them some learning software or something, extend the school day, shorten the holidays, so that these breeders in the private sector who insist on taking holidays to “look after their kids” can be encouraged to chain themselves to their desks.

Meanwhile, we’ll get the old Dyson out and start sucking £10 notes out of school budgets. Meanwhile our own kids will be very nicely off in fee-paying schools with small classes and plenty of buggery to keep them in line.

Gove made a speech last week in which he admitted that private schools have a stranglehold on the cultural and political life of the country. The natural conclusion many of us would draw from this would be that this is a bad thing, that the chinless parasites who’ve been running the country for a thousand years are clueless hoorays who depend for their existence on levels of inequality that would embarrass anybody with a smidgen of empathy.

But the obvious conclusion for Gove will be that what the state school system needs is more of that privatisation stuff. What he’s saying is not that private schools are a bad thing. He’s pointing out that people from private schools dominate politics and the media because their elite education qualifies them to do that. And he’ll try to convince the morons who vote Tory that the solution to the non-problem of state education is to do away with state education and make it all run with the “efficiency” of private enterprise.

Never mind that the rest of us have been propping up the rich parasites by subsidising their tax rate and allowing them to freeload their way through life and waft their kids off to private school in the family Merc. Never mind that it’s a stupid, unworkable idea. The main point, as it always is, is to do as much damage as possible before the people wake up and come to take their toys away.

(Except we might never get to do this with only 600 MPs, or with Scottish independence, because if that happens, the Tories will be with us forever. We’ll basically become a single party state, like Mugabe’s Zimbabwe.)